ex0skeletal:

Fun shark attack facts:

  • In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
  • For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.

Conclusions:

  1. Humans are assholes.
  2. Sharks are not assholes.
  3. Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.


youngstero:

how can peach and mario just like casually play tennis with the giant dinosaur turtle monster who is always threatening both of their lives? they all just set aside their pasts to have a good old game of tennis? also did bowser raise bowser jr. himself? is bowser a good father?


communistbakery:

It’s not a phase mom I really am the next supreme




romangodfrey:

keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

like really, very close

intimately close 

so close that you can feel your enemies breath on your neck

and you shiver with hatred and… anticipation? 

turn around and look deep into your enemies eyes, letting your gaze drag down to their lips, your eyes intense with desire. push your enemies up against the wall.

make out with your enemies.

your friends, who are still close, are super uncomfortable and kinda grossed out


citizenkwam:

Truth bomb.


asshaiishadowbinder:

Somewhere George RR Martin is snapping in Z formation.


situpsandfruitcups:

romanticizedweakling:

"i was born in the wrong century," the girl sighs as she imagines a future where women have full ownership of their own bodies

Pleasantly surprised where this went